is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
even my farts smell like vagina
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
