Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
