I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
