he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
