Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
