Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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