I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
