guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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