I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
