i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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