so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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