I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
