I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
