I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
