Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
