Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
