new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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