what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
