the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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