You really coming over, don't trick.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
he fucked my hip out of place.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
