I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
