oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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