checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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