Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize