trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
did you just send me my own nude
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize