Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
