i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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