I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
