I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
There's always time for handjobs
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
