last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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