Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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