wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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