My room smells like vodka and shame
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
