Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
