Do you still have your period?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
