Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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