I bet he comes in French.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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