We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
