I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
