What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
