Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
