The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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