Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
