I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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