I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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