Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
