did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
