a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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