the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
