she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We need to get me chipped asap
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
