"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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