He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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