Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize