I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
