As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize