I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
