I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
