Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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