Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
