I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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