Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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