I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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