i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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