Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
