Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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