listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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