You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Soap is not a condiment
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
