I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i just made my gag reflex go away.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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